Today is July 2nd. We are smack dab in the middle of the year and I wanted to re-visit
my goals for myself for 2014. Coincidentally, Jess from Sadie Sky Boutique posted
this post for her (and Ashley's) It's the Little Things Link Up last week. What she said here hit close to home and I wanted to share my thoughts as well.
"I think sometimes it's hard to not lose focus of what's important and just how big of a responsibility being a mama really is. When the days get long, the tantrums are frequent and sleep seems like a distant memory from years past, it's easy to forget how our every move and action shapes this little life before us. We're grown ups with jobs, to-do lists and grown up responsibilities. Even though our kids are the most important thing to us and our highest priority, they are but a piece of our life. We, on the other hand, are their whole life. We have friends, family, a spouse, etc. that we can talk to, relate to and socialize with...we have hobbies and things we like to do that bring us joy, we have others who we look up to, admire and ask for advice but our kids...our kids have us. "
image via Pinterest
Often times, I feel like, as moms, we try to be perfect. Especially with all of the social media influences these days : Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, blogs, etc. Sure what I post on here is all (or almost all) good things so in a way I guess I am being a hypocrite by saying this, but it's not all rainbows and sunshine everyday. I have bad days at work that translate into me being in a bad mood at home. Sometimes Mason wakes up too early from a nap or is just in a bad mood and has a meltdown or tantrum for 20 minutes (which is always fun). Last weekend and this weekend I have had to work allllll weekend. Working all weekend = a very unhappy mommy since I don't get to spend my precious, beloved weekends with my boy. My last day off was June 22nd (do the math, that was a while ago) and my next day off is July 11th. But I don't post about that here? Why? Because I want my blog to be about the happy memories of my family so when I look back in 10 years, I don't see complaints. In 10 years, I won't care about that rude customer I had at work or that time Mason woke up from a nap in a bad mood, so I don't want to post about it here. Maybe I should post more about real life because this blog is about my life, but I don't want to be a Debbie Downer and I'm sure nobody wants to read about how I had a bad day at work. I try to keep it real on the blog but keep it positive.
Recently though, I feel like I've been in a rut. And I haven't been focusing on the little things.
The things that mean the most in life.
A work rut. A play-with-my-kid rut. A clothes rut. A food rut.
You get the point.
I feel like we do the same thing every night. Seth and Mason get home and I've either gotten home a couple minutes before or get home a couple minutes after them. Mason and I play with his cars, his Little People animal farm, or his new Green Toys rocket ship until dinner is ready. Either Seth or I help feed Mason (and try to get him to stay sitting in his chair and not run around the house) and the other one eats and then we switch off. We usually give Mason a bath, watch a little TV, play some more, and then Mason goes to bed. Same routine every week night. I think I feel like there's just not enough time to do something else at night, so we just keep in our routine. But in reality, there's definitely time to change it up.
I feel like I know that I wear the same outfits to work every week. While I'm sure my co-workers don't even notice, it bothers me. Petty? Maybe. But sometimes I wish I had more money to buy some new clothes. We are by no means poor, but we are also by no means rich either. I see so many people post such CUTE outfit photos and I get insanely jealous that they look so cute and I look so.....not. And most of them are stay at home moms and are wearing cute summer-y outfits that I can't wear to work, so in reality, I shouldn't even be upset, but I still find myself jealous of the cuteness.
LOFT had a 50% off sale last week and I was thisclose to buying myself some new clothes. I added them to the cart online but procrastinated too long and when I finally hit "purchase", the order didn't go through because I guess the discount expired. I took it as a sign that I shouldn't have been buying anything new. Then come Monday? I wore the same thing I (probably) wore last Monday.
I've been so busy with all the things I need to do (mainly work, house chores (though some of those get neglected too), sleep (at lest a little), etc.) and the things I want to do (spend as much time as I can with my friends and family) that I haven't had a lot of extra time. I want to respond to emails. I want to blog. I want to comment. I want to read the stack of magazines that is piling up. I want to read a couple books. I want to watch the DVR-ed shows that are stacking up. But there just aren't enough hours in the day. Something has to give and that's the extra activities I want to do.
Do we sometimes turn on the TV for Mason when we can tell he is in a bad mood and only Mickey can calm him down? Sure. Do I turn on Mickey in the morning to distract Mason from having a full on meltdown at 6:20am while I get his milk ready? Sure.
Do we sometimes get take out because it's easier than making dinner? Sure.
Do we sometimes skip a bath or brushing Mason's teeth because he's overtired and it will just complicate things? Sure.
But does that make me a bad mom? No.
image via Pinterest
My point of this whole post? None of what I said above matters.
I know I am a good mom. But I want to try to be a better mom.
While I obviously don't want to let Mason run rampant and go crazy, I've been trying to just let him be little and discover. He colored on the floor the other day with one of my markers and instead of freaking out, I took a picture to remember the moment and just kinda let him do his thing. I prayed that the marker would come off (since we don't own, we rent, and I'm sure the owner would not want blue marker scribble on their floors) and sure enough, it did. He likes to throw all of his books and DVDs on the floor from the shelf. Sure he is making a huge mess, but is it hurting anyone? No. So he throws everything on the ground and then we sing the "clean up" song and put it all away. Whenever either one of us goes outside to do whatever (BBQ or throw away trash or get the mail), Mason ALWAYS wants to go outside. It might not be the most convenient time to be outside since we're probably on our way to having dinner, but who am I to deny Mason the sheer joy of being outside and splashing in his water table or sitting in his little roadster car that he is clearly too tall for.
You're only little once.
Is my child safe? Yes.
Is my child loved? Yes.
Does my child have a roof over his head? Yes.
And food on the table? Yes.
Mason and Seth don't care what I wear to work. They don't care what we eat for dinner. They don't care that we play with the same cars and planes and trains every night.
When Seth and Mason get home at night (on the weekdays after work) and Seth opens the front door, puts Mason down, and Mason runs to me as fast as his little legs can run and he throws his arms around me and gives me the biggest hug all while having the biggest smile on his face, I know I must be doing something right. That sweet little smile re-confirms everyday that that boy loves me. I am his mom. I might not be perfect, but I am perfect for him. And sometimes, that is enough.
image via Pinterest
