[Thoughts] Baby # 2

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Today I'm linking up with Stephanie to talk a little bit about baby # 2. But before you get all excited and think this is an announcement of something, I have to pop your bubble and tell you that no, there is no announcement here today. [whomp whomp]. Sorry to be Debbie Downer.

I always pictured myself as being a family of four - two parents and two kids. But of course, this picture of my perfect life was from when I was 16 years old and I thought 25 was so old {so naive}. I thought for sure I would be married by 23 and have at least one kid by the time I was 25 {because again, 25 was "so old"}. But the older I got, and the more life experiences I gained, my perspective changed. All of a sudden 25 wasn't so old (heck, I was barely out of college!). All of a sudden I wasn't sure what my "perfect family" looked like.

Honestly, I don't know really where to start on the topic of another child, my thoughts are so scattered, it's hard to form a coherent thought. But let me try.

Honestly, right now, I feel like our life as a family of 3 is perfect. I don't want to change it at all. But that doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to change my mind should the right time come.

image via


The more Seth and I think about it, the more I think we are leaning towards only having one kid. I want to focus all my time, attention, money, etc on Mason and be the best mom to him that I can be. There are so many things I want to do for and with him, and to be honest, if we had another kid, we wouldn't be able to do that. At least right now, in this season of our lives, we can't afford that. We ultimately want to buy a house (eventually - hopefully sooner rather than later) and if we had another child, I don't think we could do that. They say that you are never really financially ready to have a child. That was my excuse for why we didn't have one sooner than we did. I always felt like we weren't financially ready - we needed to save more, we needed better jobs, etc etc etc. I always had some excuse. Not that I didn't want to have a child, I just didn't want to put us in debt by having one. But I did a little number crunching and if we cut back on some things we were spending money on that we didn't really need to be spending money on (trips, going out to eat often, manicures/pedicures, etc), then we could afford it. So we did. And Mason was born on July 18, 2012.

In a way, I'd love to provide Mason with a sibling. Someone he can play with. Someone he can teach things to. Someone he can bond with when we go on family vacations. I have a brother (he is 3 years younger than me) and I loved having someone to "gang up on mom and dad with" when I was growing up. I have fond memories of us playing G.I Joe's and Micro Machines together as well as Barbies and dress up. I feel like society seems to tell us that a 2-3 year age gap between kids is the best. So I started to feel the pressure. Mason will be 3 in July after all. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought, we're not ready, and that's ok. And I don't know if we will ever be ready. And that's ok too. Though I feel like society tells you that you should have 2 kids, that's not right for everyone. Some are one and done, and that's ok! My son will not be lonely. He will not be at a loss for a playmate. And he will not feel "cheated" that we didn't give him a sibling. And if we decide that we want to expand our family in a year or two and they are 4-5 years apart, that will be perfect for us, for our family, and as Mason gets older, he will be the best helper. But I don't want to have another child just because I think that is what Mason would want. I want to have another child because that is what we want. (Plus who knows what Mason wants! I'm sure he is perfectly happy being an only child and getting whatever he wants {within reason} all the time!)

There have also been some health issues going on that I've mentioned before that are part of the reason that I feel this way, but before we found out all of that, I was kind of feeling the same way. 

I loved being pregnant. 
I didn't (overly) mind the 1 am (and 3 am and 5am) wake up calls.
I didn't find it overly hard to adjust to going back to work.

I just don't... have baby fever.

And that's ok. Sure I'd love to be planning a Pinterest worthy "Mason's going to be a big brother" announcement and I'd love to have a girl to be able to buy some of those ADORABLE bows and headbands that my favorite shops sell. And in a way, I feel kind of left out that everyone just had, just announced they're having, or just found out they are having another child. 

But that's what's so beautiful about the world. There's something out there for everyone. And while a mama can dream, the dream might not have to become reality to still be beautiful.

My family, just the three of us, is perfect just the way we are.



23 comments:

  1. I was convinced for a very long time we would only have lex. Heck half the time I'm still convinced we ruined her life by giving her a sibling (rough transition over here). But alas i hate being pregnant so getting it done and over with won the battle. I fully support mason being an only child... Or having ten brothers and sisters!! I see both sides. And it's true every family is different for a reason!

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  2. I totally see both sides! There really is no right way to have a family! I think it was harder to be an only child when we were growing up because it was rarer. But I know a lot more only children now. Due to cost, people having them later in life, infertility, and more moms working, I think more and more are deciding or only able to have 1. I'm also not against a larger age gap. I feel like I'm young in the grand scheme of things, so why rush it. Whatever happens though, don't feel pressured by others. I remind myself that all the time!

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  3. Love that quote! And love your honesty! There is always pressure isn't there!? When will you marry? When will you have kids... Have another... Etc. Each family is different which I love!! So glad you all sound like you are staying true to what you want :)

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  4. Love, love, love. So much honesty here and you being real. Thank you so much for that. I wish more people could see things the way you wrote them. Perfect isn't always what you pictured.

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  5. Great, great post! This topic is so different for every family, and I love your honesty. I too used to think 25 was old, so don't feel bad, haha! :)

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  6. One, two, three or ten, each family must decide for themselvs and stop be concerned with what the world expects. Raising a family these days is hard, hard work. You will know what you want, when you want it, and to hell with the rest of it! We had three girls, life took unexpected turns for us, but that is the way God intended it to be and we made it work! Be okay where you are in life today and tomorrow! I need that quote!!!!!!

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  7. Love your honesty, such a great post. Every family is different & you know what is best. Listen to your heart - Mason is obviously doing JUST fine, I can tell from the happiness in your pictures!

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  8. Yes, to all of this!! I feel like we're in the same season of our lives... I can't help but think if things would be different if I were healthy. Sorry this is going to be a really emotional comment, I've been struggling a lot lately and this post just spoke to me. The part about feeling left out, I totally get that... Honestly I have friends that I haven't spoken to in months (they're all expecting) and it feels rediculous to say this but I feel like I don't have a place in their lives anymore, or that I'm less of a mom because I ONLY have one kid... It hurts because obviously only having one kid is the product of my circumstance not a choice. However I'm also in the same place as you right now where j just don't have baby fever... I think it's because realistically I don't know if I can carry another baby right now with my breathing :( anyway... I agree we all have a plan and having one kid is totally OK!! Adam and I talk about just having Scarlett often and we both agree that we would be SO happy with just one...she's perfect for us and I love us as a family of three. I guess we will see what happens :) love you, friend! Xoxo

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  9. What an honest post! It's awesome that you feel like you're family is perfect right now; you guys are in a great place! I always knew I wanted a bunch of kids, so interested to see if I feel like we are compete after this next baby!

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  10. There's always so much pressure... no matter what child situation you're in. People ask us if we're going to try for a girl... blah blah blah. You have to do what's right for you! My niece and nephew are 4 years apart, and their situation is great for them. My friend has kids 18 months apart, and it's great for them. And then there are people who have one kid, 5 kids. It's all about what's for you. I love the quote. You'll find what's right for your family.

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  11. such great honesty here my friend!!!I personally always thiught we'd have a bigger age gap but then we joined the one and done camp haha! You have plenty of time to change your mind but if you don't one is just fine too! You're always welcome to stay with the one and done club! just remember that one is not lonely, bad , spoiled or missing out. One is your family and if that's for you that's what matters!

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  12. Oh Liz, I think we ALL understand this more than you know! When Mia was born, Eric told me he didn't want anymore kids (coming from the man who wanted at least 12 when we were engaged.... yes that was completely horrifying to me and NO I wasn't ever going to let that happen, ha ha!) because in that moment, Mia was all we wanted and needed. I didn't ever get baby fever until I saw Mia's interest perk up with a little baby. My friend came over with 2 month old twins (as well as her daughter who is Mia's exact age) and instead of playing with her friend, Mia only wanted the babies. She sat on the couch perfectly still and content holding one of the babies, cuddled up with another baby under the play mat and almost fell asleep next to her (unheard of because the kid will only fall asleep in her crib, in her bedroom). She LOVED the babies so much and I could tell she wished they were here to stay forever! That's what finally gave me the urge to give her a sibling. I honestly believe that if she still showed no interest in babies, I would be perfectly content with our family of 3!
    You and Seth know what's right for your family! There are seasons and they are constantly changing. So don't feel bad if you do or don't change your mind as no one else can tell you what's right for your family!

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  13. Such a personal and sensitive subject, and you shared so honestly and beautifully. It's such a difficult decision and I pray whatever your journey is that you're at peace with it. I too struggle with comparing or whatever society pressure puts on us - that's why I love that saying so much also. Whether you have one, two or five - it'll be perfect for your family and you will be the best momma for them. :) xo

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  14. Such an eloquent and honest post my dear friend. The ability to be honest with yourself and do what is best for you AND our family should be treasured.You are such a wonderful mommy to Mason. Mason has cousins, he has school, he has an active life. He is happy, healthy, safe and loved... in this life that is all that matters. All the love in the world!

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  15. You totally just described me- I was married one month shy of 23 and had Kinsey right after 25 ;) But I didnt feel any need to fufill those things within a certain time frame which made them more special (I think.) Family size and spacing are such personal decisions so whatever you choose, thats right for YOU.

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  16. I love this! No one says you have to do anything and if one kid feels right to you, then why not! Mason's the love of your life and it's hard making the decision to make serious changes and sacrifices (both financially and with your time) to add another baby to the mix. And you have plenty of time to change your mind...but only if you want to! Mason will be just fine (believe me, there are many days I wish I was an only child). :) Haha!

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  17. Whats the new old? Like 40? 45? 62? I use to want to be married by at least 23 or I'd be a spinster, you can blame pride and prejudice for that. We got married when I was 25, so shucks. Kids never played into that. I actually never wanted kids. I was pretty adamant about that growing up. Then I wanted five, again pride and prejudice. And if we had a ton of money...sure five let's do it! But, I'd rather focus our resources on one right now =) kids are dang expensive esp if you go a little nutty at the holidays. Love that you said you reserve the right to change your mind. I'm with you. Right now one, maybe another...maybe. later.

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  18. Love this post! As a very likely "one and done-er", I found myself nodding along with you as I read. Truth be told, I have had a post drafted for about 4 months about how we are done, and I haven't posted yet because I felt like I needed to give myself space to change my mind. I like that you said that - makes it feel not as stressful.

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  19. I think it's so important to stay in your own lane and do what is right for your family. Like you said, every family is different and you need to do you!

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  20. Love how open and honest you are.
    Whatever you and Seth decide is the best choice for you, and don't let society tell you otherwise.
    Mason has some pretty amazing parents, and I know he'll be great whether another is added to the mix or not. :)

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  21. I have three half-siblings - I'm five years older than my sister, ten years older than the older of my brothers & then twelve years older than the baby (an obvious oops - ha!). & I had no problem not only bonding with my siblings but being the boss & beating them up. Tee hee!

    Everyone's "perfect family" is different. I, for one, don't have any children of my own & I have never felt the need to have one of my own. I have two stepdaughters under my roof 99% of the time & my "nieces" & "nephew" right next door. I have enough kids in my life, I don't need my own. Although, if it would happen that I'd get pregnant, that would be fine too...however, I'm really hoping not cuz the diapers & early morning feedings & all that doesn't sound appealing to me whatsoever. Tee hee!

    Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/

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  22. It's such a tough decision ... I remember telling James we would try to get pregnant, that it takes time and BAM! we were pregnant the first time we tried. Thinking of how quickly it happened for us, I couldn't imagine trying again and having a baby to raise while dealing with a 2 year old that wants to go outside with an umbrella at 7:45 in the morning to splash in the puddles.

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  23. I love how honest you are in this post! Deciding whether or not to expand your family is tough! Takes so much thought and prayer!! Only you and Seth know what's best for your family.

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